you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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