Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
