Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
