On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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