marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
