I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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