by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
