belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
