I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
