these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Do you have feelings for this penis?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
