i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
