I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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