I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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