The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
