I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What a dumb baby whore.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
