CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
