Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
