just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
