I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
