Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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