hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
