I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
