Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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