It's Friday. Sex?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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