you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you never un-have a 4some
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
