i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
