My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
