don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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