so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
