a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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