I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
