hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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