I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
