you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
