Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
