I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
