I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
