and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
