We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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