so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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