just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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