Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
