Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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