i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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