That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
