wakey wakey hands off snakey
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Fuck appropriateness.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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