I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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