Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
