Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My orgasm happened in two different decades
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
