I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
