Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
