No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
